Life Journal, Parenting

Becoming A Mom Of A Boy Makes You Unfortunate? I Wish I Had A Daughter

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You are having a Boy? Better luck next time…Lucky are the mothers who have daughters…… That means I am unlucky because I have a son? ………………… I am sorry but i feel offended.

Do people think so little of a son that they feel sorry for anyone else who has one?

Actually who uses phrases like this?  – Mostly said and heard only from the mum of a girl child (typically SMOGS). For those who are not aware of this term SMOGS, let me illuminate you. SMOGS are smug mothers of girls who have darling daughters and show an excessive pride of being a girl’s mom. I am sorry I am not trying to be a DMOB (Defensive Mum of a Boy).

After I became a mother, I started getting lots of advice from other Moms (mostly moms of girls) that my life is going to be tough and hard one just because I have a boy and in case my second baby also comes out to be a boy then I am an unfortunate one….. Solemnly, this often made me really question myself that am I really unlucky and I seriously started to wish for a daughter as my second child.

“Children are a gift of the Lord, and the fruit of the womb is a reward. The Psalmist likens them to arrows in the hand of a warrior and declares happy is the man who has His quiver full of them.”

Psalm 127:3-5

Above states a beautiful verse from the bible, in simple words – Becoming a mother is a blessing, and to bear children is to receive a gift from the Lord. 

Nowhere by the lord it is mentioned that mothers with girls are more blessed and one with boys are hapless. When lord does not differentiate a child as Boy or a Girl,  then who are we to define their gender and emotions. God created everyone equal. Are girls more loving and caring? Are boys cruel and unemotional? Honestly, how nonsensical any sort of gender preference must sound to someone who is desperate to have a child. Can’t we just show gratitude for what we’ve been given? 

In a world where we talk about gender equality. I honestly feel guilty as a mother for making such a big mistake by hoping and wishing all these days “I wish I had a daughter or I hope my second baby would be a daughter”. I am blessed to have a healthy baby, that is what we mothers should pray for. 

Of course both men and women bring different things on the table and both excel at different things, but does that originality counts for nothing? Each gender brings their own set of insight and emotions.

Yes I have seen boys taking no interest in their parents, or probably not being expressive is showing their love towards them but on the other hand I have also seen daughters who just want to sweep away all the responsibilities very easily in the name of being women.

I think more people want girls because there’s more you can do with them. Style their hair, wear all kinds of clothes, paint their nails, have daddy-daughter dances. 

By projecting our expectations, we parents do not realize that unknowingly we are creating relationship baggage onto our children’s even before they’ve taken their first steps and for some, first breath.

In the end i would say, you are blessed if you have a baby, a blessing that makes you a parent. And not blessed to have a girl or a boy. 

You have a girl or you have a boy – is how the third party looks at it and not you as a parent. And as a parent it is our job to love our kids unconditionally for their own uniqueness and try and know them better. 

It is about the human and not the gender of the human. They are so much more than the gender they are born with.

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